They kept saying, “don’t worry dear, maybe next time”, or “you just have to work harder luv”, or “sorry”, or worse “… But I told you so…”… But I don’t want a next time! And I know you told me! I know you’re sorry, I’m sorry too!
Should I give up, should I lay low, or should I just keep trying… But will I ever get there? No, I don’t think I can ever get there. They tell me its for the hustlers, the smart ones, the beautiful ones, the ‘halfcaste’ ones, some even say they like only the light skinned ones, so I give up, I tell myself, “maybe its not just meant for me”, “maybe thats not what God has in stall for me”, “he’ll never pick me”, “everything bad just keeps happening to me”, “maybe I’m just not enough”….
The thoughts are endless, coming to me all crashing down like a bag of bricks, hitting me from all four walls of my head. “It hurts”! So I keep silent, trying to let myself go from the pain, but does it really work…
No! Im wrapped, covered, engulfed in a fire I lit myself. But Im tired, I’m tired of giving myself the mental break down, I sit and reminisce; alas! its all in my head, its all just a hallucinated reality I created for my self!
Its actually not difficult, I just need to focus a little bit more on it; I am beautiful, I am smart, I am intelligent, I can achieve whatever I want to achieve, I am free and happy!
The reality is, most of us aren’t actually faced with realistic problems, but with problems of the mind; just show a little positivity to what seems hard the most, what seems ugly to you; it doesn’t really matter what anyone else sees because we all see differently, and others die trying to see what others see, therefore creating a synonymous and bias view which makes you question your own uniqueness.
Be at peace naturalista, take a break, rest your mind in doing what you do and knowing you did your best and everything is also at its best.
Its just all in due time…